She arrived!

Ava Mackenzie arrived at 2:01pm on December 18th. Weighing 7lbs 5oz and measuring 19 1/2 inches long. She has a head full of brown hair, chubby cheeks, and a big nose. She's beautiful!!!!!

First let me say that I forgot the USB cord, so I can't upload pics - sorry!!!!!

The next few days will be stressful and emotional. Wanting so much to call her our daughter, we must wait until the papers are signed, which will hopefully be Monday afternoon. We'll know today more about the timing.

We are hoping that the meeting to sign the papers can be Monday and that the right people are not on vacation for the holidays. This would mean we could return directly to Cincinnati. If they are not available we would maybe have to travel to Akron to let the baby stay in the agency's temp care home. The family who would care for Ava have asked us to also stay with them so we can be with her and care for her during that time. BUT we hope so much to take her to be with Carson and the rest of our family for Christmas!!!!!

Ava's mommy (called A) did wonderful during delivery (c-section) and I was able to also be in the room. It was beautiful. I held her (since A couldn't due to her hands being busy with tubes and monitors for the c-section) close to both of us. We wer able to talk to her and of corse many tears were shed in those first minutes. Tears of joy - Ava was healthy, crying, and beautiful with a wonderful life ahead with a new mommy and daddy. Tears of sadness - A would have to say goodbye in a few days but she's so confident that this is the right decision for Ava, her son E, and her. She knows that she will be a better mother to both of them by making this decision.

A asked me to call her dad for her while she was in recovery. I was nervous since I've never talked to him. He was SO nice. He was glad to know that A and Ava were healthy. He thanked us for being with A and for offering a "wonderful" (his word) home to Ava. He told me that A is making the right decision and he is supportive of her. He does know that he will miss his grandauther and is very happy that he will get to see her grow through letters, pictures, and visits with us. He thinks we are such great people for agreeing to do that....I thought "Us, great? Your daughter is giving us the greatest blessing...something most people cannot understand....something we can't give ourselves....She's GREAT!" God is GREAT!

A talks about how we are a blessing to her, how she cannot imagine what she would do without us, about how we are her answered prayer. Funny isn't it....she's our answered prayer. I know that her heart aches right now and that the next few days will be so very hard for her as she says goodbye. We hope and pray that she remains confident in her decision, because she has every right to decide to parent Ava and she still could choose that path.

Pray for us and for A!

We are matched!!!!!

We hope and pray that this is the right situation for us and that everything works out!!!!!

Baby Girl due 12/23/08

We travel to meet the expecting mom tomorrow and will learn more about what will happen at the birth.

Say a Prayer

One agency emailed today. They sent our book to a birthmom who delivered a few days ago. How wonderful it would be to get a call that this was our baby!!!!!!!!

A Few Situations

We have a few situations right now, but they all have uncertanties. So we are just continuing to pray. We have been waiting 11 months. It's time next month to update our homestudy, so that will keep us busy a few weeks.

Bring the Rain

"Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings your glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain"
Mercy Me, "Bring the Rain"


I read this today on another blog. A blog that makes my trials and hardships seem like "a walk in the park".

Dear Lord,
Help me remember that my life should always reflect you and that my actions and how I handle what comes my way should help lead others to you. Bless my daily path with others that love you and can bring me closer to you. Help me to see the beauty you have put in my life and to not take those things and people for granted. Be with those expecting mothers who sit here tonight with heavy hearts and try to decide the future of their children, their pain is enourmous! Bless those who long to be mothers who face each day with a desire so strong it cannot be quenched, lift them up, give them strength! Bless those mothers who have easily been blessed with child at the perfect time, let them remember to praise you for that blessing. Help me everyday to see you working in my life - not for my benefit but for yours. And mostly help me to rejoice in that. As I lay my head on my pillow tonight give me peace! Praise your glourious name for the salvation you provide through your son's death on the cruel cross. AMEN!

God's answer was "no"

This was not meant to be our baby. Her parents have decided to parent her. They are in a very difficult place and have various trials ahead. Please pray for little Angela Lynn and her family.

Is this our baby or not?

We got a call on Saturday about a baby girl born in Louisville and that we could go meet the birthparents on Sunday. We'll things have gone crazy since then and it's up in the air. So we are waiting to find out more, but it will probably be Thursday or Friday before we know anything.

Pray for us!

Keep praying for our family, that God will see fit to bring a new baby into our lives. Pray that we will find contentment until that time.

Approaching 8 months...

I wish I had something to tell you, but I don't.

Updated on post below.

The birthparents decided not to place.

We are approved and waiting with the other agency now. But, none of the 3 agencies have any birthmoms waiting to match. So it could be a while.

A long shot.....

Parents of a baby boy already born premature (due date was Aug 1) spoke with our agency today and requested to see families with children already. The social worker says she thinks it's doubtful that they will actually place since they have become very attached to the baby and spend all days at the hospital.

Pray for these parents, how difficult a decision to choose adoption (or not) and on top of that deal with a premature birth. I'm sure they are very afraid and sad.

Pray that God's hand will guide their decision.

Another "No"

The Christian girl in FL chose a family - and it wasn't us. I'm glad to know that the family this baby will be welcomed into is a loving Christian home.

BUT -It just really makes you feel like you aren't good enough. Remember in school waiting to be picked to be on a team: "pick me, pick me". And then the feeling when you weren't picked. But at least with that the end was in sight. You could see it winding down to only a few more people.

Why us? Why did God choose us to carry this burden? I'm ready to give it to someone else - I don't want to carry it anymore. It has been 7 years since we decided to "start trying". I'm ready to "stop trying"!!!!

(just a side note - our keyboard is VERY dirty)

6 Months

The 23rd was the offical 6 months of waiting.

When checking in with the agency Thursday they said that there isn't anything going on right now. The social worker said that 6-18 months is the typical wait but that waiting 18 months is not the norm. So hopefully we hit the norm of 6-12 months which means by November - but we'll see.

The contact in CA has shown our books and the birthparents are taking some time to look through the families and decide. The good news is that all the families are Christian homes, so it really doesn't matter to me who they choose - the most important part is that God is center of all the homes.

The social work from the other (really small agency) has an expecting mother who she met with once and is waiting to see if she calls back for a second meeting. If she calls the agency back, then they will show our book. This baby is due end of June. It seems that she may not call back.

So we are just still, waiting...... ( I can't wait till the update is different)

HOPE

A young Christian couple (not married) will be choosing adoptive parents in the next 2 weeks and our book will be shown along with 10-15 others. The baby is due in August - that's all we know.

All we can do is pray and hope! God has a plan....He knows where our baby is right now (I just wish he would tell me).

The one good thing about this roller coaster ride is that it makes us appreciate the blessing of our son, Carson! He came to us quickly and without issue - and for that we are thankful!!!

Another Bummer!

Thank you everyone for your prayers and kind words. The expecting mother who met with the agency yesterday decided to parent. So we are still waiting......

Say a prayer...

Our book will be shown on Monday to an expecting mom due in July with a baby girl. The baby is Guatemalan. That's all the information we know. The agency feels like we may be the right family since Carson is also Hispanic/Latino. Say a prayer....maybe this will be our baby.

Goodbye to our August Baby!

The agency called today to tell us we are no longer matched. The expecting mother is not living where she was suppose to and her father said she is living with a friend and he has had no contact with her. Since the agency has left 5 messages, 2 letters, and one visit to her house (where she isn't living) - they are confirming that she has obvisously had a change of heart.

So they will start showing our profiles - BUT she said that things are very slow so it could be awhile.

Still no news.........

A little worried

This is so hard!!! We have NO control. The agency hasn't been able to get ahold of the expecting mom. They have left 3 messages. They will send a letter this week and drive to her house to make sure everything is ok. This is common, but still hard for adopting/waiting parents. You just don't know if they haven't had a chance to check in with the agency or if they've changed their minds.

Keep praying for the expecting mom and for us!

Names

We won't know boy or girl for a few more weeks. So we've been discussing names. Darren does not like this discussion. He thinks we should do it on the way to the hospital and I think we should do it now. For all of you who know us well...this shouldn't be a surprise. So here are some ideas.

Boy Names:
Ethan
Landon
Gabe
Owen
Cole
Collin
James


Girl Names:
Kayla (this has always been our 1st choice, but I have a cousin who might use Kaylee and a some friends whose little girl is Michaela, but they call her Kayla or Kaylee. We are picky about not having any friends or family with the same name, so we are discussing other options)
Leah
Claire
Amelia
Paige
Maya
Mia

Now, Darren is very picky and usually scrathces out most of my names. He's approved the boy list, but not the girl list yet.

I talked with the social worker today and since the expecting mother is moving in the next few weeks they will give her sometime to get settled, then we can setup a meeting. Maybe in the next 4-6 weeks. Until then we wait - and pray.

The agency did say that her due date is the end of August, but she delivered her other babies 2-4 weeks early. I guess we'll know more once she has a dr. appt and ultrasound.

We are matched!!!!!

This means that a expecting mother has chosen our family to adopt and parent her baby. We are very excited! It just came out of the blue. This morning we got the call at 8:54am.

The baby is due in August (but there a chance the baby will come a few weeks early). The baby will be Cauc/Hispanic. We are very excited that Carson will have a sibling with similar hertitage. We don't know boy or girl, but hopefully there will be an u/s in the next month or so.

Here's where you come in.... pray, pray, pray. Nothing is final until after the papers are signed (no sooner than 72 hours after the birth). Until then, this baby is not ours.

Feeling sad

Today I started feeling sad that we have no news! This is just completely out of our control.

No financial help

Unfortunately, Sacred Selections is unable to provid us with any financial assistance. They have limited funds and they had 3 other couples whose salaries were under $30,000 who they are going to help. I can certainly understand.

So what does this mean for us. Well it means that we cannot sign up with any other agencies but the one we are with now. It means we wait longer, but hopefully not longer than 2 years.

100 days and counting

I checked in with the agency today and there's no good news.

So to cheer myslef up, I decided to pack a baby bag. You know just in case we get a call and the baby is already born. But really, it was just to make me feel a little more in control.

So I pulled out the tiny diapers, bottles, blankets, and green & yellow gowns and sleepers. It was fun looking at Carson's little clothes and remembering him that small.

Anyways, I'll still be here waiting............................................

Disappointed with agency

Well it's seems I can't ever get clear answers out of our agency. But today while talking to another "waiting" mom, she said the agency told her there are 30 families waiting. They do 50 placments a year and 50% of those don't match our criteria. So We could be waiting 1 year or longer (probably longer since we already have a child).

The most disappointing thing is that if we were made of money we could work with other agencies and have our baby sooner. But financially we cannot go in debt anymore than our current $30,000 for Carson's adoption loan. UGH!!!!!!!

It's been 3 months

The good news is we are so busy, so we kinda forget about it. Carson is such a joy at almost 18 months and keeps us very entertained with his new words, new tricks, and his silliness. What a joy! He has really started noticing babies and gets very excited about them. We are working on getting his "big boy" room together in preperation. I hope and pray that our wait is not too much longer.

A few situations

A Christian woman in CA works with birthmoms and we have sent her our "book" and information to be considered. She is working with 3 potential birthmoms right now that are all in their 1st trimester (so it will be awhile before a decision to create an adoption plan will be completed). We are praying for these young women that they have the strength to either parent their child or create an adoption plan - I'm sure that this decision is very difficult and emotional.

Sacred Selection

A group of Christians (from the conservative Church of Christ) started an charitable orginazation to assits Christian couples adopt. We are completing our application now and will hope to know if they can provide us financial assitance in the next 2 months.

Opportunities in the Sunshine State

A friend's sister is a nurse in FL and there are sometimes (not very often, but times) where mothers come in to give birth and create an adoption plan at the hospital. Sometimes the nurses adopt the babies. She is going to get us connected with the social worker so that we could be considered IF one of these situations came up. So we are still working with our agency, but this is another option that may present itself

Keep praying!

We had to say "No"

I was very excited tonight when the phone rang and the caller ID said it was the adoption agency. They wanted to know if they could show our book to a birthmother who was having TWINS. After 45 minutes of discussion, we decided that we could not afford the fees for two adoptions. Unfortunately it's not BOGO (Buy One Get One Free). The fees are double. So with hesitation, we said "no".

So we will keep our hopes up and keep praying for the right call.

The Waiting Game

It seems like every plan I make goes something like this "unless we have a baby then" or "can we plan that if we might have a baby then" or "hopefully our baby arrives in 2008". It's hard not knowing...

I don't get a due date. I don't get to say I have 40 weeks to get this prepared or this finished. I may have 24 hours or maybe 2 years.

One thing I do know is that we will have another baby. God has a plan, and I have to trust that.

Preparing for baby

I've started getting the playroom decorated for Carson, so the baby can move to the nursery. It's starting to seem real.

I also went through the newborn clothes and pulled out the neutrals so that those can be ready in an instant. In case you aren't aware, there is a chance that when we get the call the baby would already be born. Imagine, "You've been choosen to be parents, come pickup the baby now". Talk about panic mode. So that's why I want to be prepared, just in case. But then again we may have a few months to plan, like with Carson.

I'm just a planner and I know I want to be ready, but I fear that I will be ready with nothing to do but wait. It's hard to not be scared about how long we will wait or if we will ever be choosen.

Child of My Heart Poem (see link)

http://poetry.adoption.com/poems/child-of-my-heart.html